I refuse to step on the scales, because I believe the number is irrelevant and it will send me into a downwards spiral. But I can assure you however, that something has shifted.
For those who know me well, you will be aware that I am a shadow of my former self. I have been 106.8kg in my lifetime. In the last 6 months or so, I managed to convince myself that I was getting leaner and my fitness was better than ever, I was enjoying being comfortable in my own lilly white skin.
So where has this 'Fit to Fat' rant come from? let me explain with the key points:
March - Tarawera Ultra Marathon
The biggest race of the year. Moderate levels of pudgy. But I worked my ass off to get there, and I was as ready as I could have been.
Mid April - Back into running, building back up to fitness after a mental and physical break post TuM
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| The final downhill at the Wild Turkey |
May - Running 80-100 of non specific kms every weeks. Running free, running happy.
I stopped holding back on food, I ate more and cared less, started having protein shakes religiously after all runs, took my iron pills every day and took my magnesium pills every day. Pretty much fuelled the machine so it could do what it had to.
June - I was pretty lean by my standards and I was fit. I was happy.
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| Finishing at Xterra Riverhead |
June 15th - Lactic Turkey Double Rainbow 46km. Trouble begins.
As cruel as it sounds, I wish I'd never done it. 4 x silly hikes up that stupid mountain.
The week following I was nursing a strained hamstring. But still running. And what happens when you run with one sore leg boys and girls? ... That's right, you make the other one work harder.
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| Finishing the Lactic Turkey Double Rainbow (never again) |
End of June / early July - 1 x Angry I.T Band. 38 minutes seemed to be the magic time frame before I had to stop. We tried a few short runs a week, a few days of 2x 30min runs, more rest days than run days. This went on for 3 weeks. Nothing improved.
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| Finishing the Xterra Waiuku with an angry I.T band |
Mid/Late July - I cried, and threw in the towel, I quit. No more.
If i thought 3 weeks of barely running was rough, 3 weeks of no running was going to be torture.
And it was.
I cried, at least 3 times a week. I got angry, mainly at Phill (my lover/bit on the side/boy toy/ Fiancee`) and James (my poor coach). And I ate. My appetite came back, and I ate everything. If Whitaker's was selling shares, I would have told you to invest.
I've tried to keep active during this down time, mainly just using my brain. I think about going to the gym, I think about going aqua jogging, I think about going for a bike ride, and I think up excuses not to do any of those things. The latter is by far my biggest achievement.
Want to hear my excuses? sure you do.
1) The gym is dumb. I don't like being inside. I don't like the gym goers. I don't like doof doof music. I feel fat.
2) I fucking hate aqua jogging. I still smell like Chlorine even after a double rinse cycle in the shower. My throat remains sore until I don't go aqua jogging. I look fat in my togs. I have to shave everything. I sometimes have no one to go with. I have more towels to wash. I look fat in my togs.
3) Cycling in front of the T.V is boring as hell. Even while Rachel Ray is making her 29th variation of chili. The cat is scared of the wind trainer. I fall off bikes. The tights emphasise my flabby thighs. I can't work the gears. Traffic is scary. Riding down hill is scary. My hands get sore. Riding a bike during a group run is like putting salt in your coffee, its just wrong..
So 6 weeks of basically nothing, and I've transformed from a happy runner to a flabby emotional couch potato. I have gone back to changing outfits 7 times before I leave home because this one makes my look fat, or this one makes my muffin tops extra huge.
I've tried to keep positive, embrace the rest period, but its so hard to encourage all my running buddies when I really just want to kick them in the knees and tell them to stop running and wait for me to get better. Its not FOMO, its IDWTBLB (I don't want to be left behind). I worked so hard to get to where I was, and having to just stop is balls. It might seem like I'm a bit soft perhaps, but I have to remind myself how long I've been running (just over 18 months). Compare this to a majority of the company I keep, there is no reason why I should be frustrated when my recovery from injury and more importantly, long hard races, is twice that of a seasoned runner. With that being said, my interested in running the 60k at Xterra Waihi and the Westcoaster Marathon has officially been withdrawn, in favour of keeping some reserves in the tank for a solid block of training over summer when I'm off work.
Now what?
I've been for two 5km runs over the weekend and I can hardly walk today! One of those was a short and sharp 5k at the Waharau Xterra race. I still managed (7th out of 70 odd females)... for someone who has smashed 3 bags of Dorito's, 2 blocks of chocolate, 1 bottle of rum, at least 8 bottles of wine, and countless other empty calories over the last 6 weeks, I'm pretty happy.
I'll tentatively say I am back on horse. Maybe just a pony for now, ooh no, a unicorn! I unfortunately foresee more aqua jogging for the next little while. Someone has to make sure the new resident cripple, Keith Crook (Merman), doesn't drown!
James suggested I go reverse now, Fat to Fit in 6 weeks. I say challenge accepted.
Partly because keeping James happy is in the top 25% of my priorities list, but mainly because I ordered a wedding dress in my 'running' measurements, not my 6 weeks flab fest measurements.
6 weeks on a diet and sobriety rampage can only end two ways.
1) half cut and in the confectionery aisle at Countdown
2) Back in the top quarter of any race I enter. Might seem like an average goal, but for someone who last year consistently finished below the middle of the pack, top quarter is pretty exciting!
I hope to be fighting fit for the Lactic Turkey - Big O on September 21st.
Thanks to my running buddies for coming aquajogging, and not rubbing it in that you can run and I can't. And to another new friend for a stern online talking to, offering some good advice which couldn't have come from anyone else because they wouldn't understand, I may have cried hysterically but I needed it!
Right... off to have some carrots and 10 gallons of water.
(side note - I once ate so many carrots I turned orange)
